*Currently listening Great Big Storm by Nate Ruess https://soundcloud.com/fueled_by_ramen/nate-ruess-great-big-storm*
I recently read an article about the difference between "wanting" and needing someone. Again at the risk of excluding those of you not currently dating or in a relationship ( A boat I sail along with you), this post can easily adapt to any form of relationship. Just keep your mind open to the overall message. I'll give you the link here so you can read it for yourself and form your opinion to agree or disagree with me ;)
http://elitedaily.com/dating/differences-between-wanting-needing-person/770421/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=EG&utm_content=770421
Ok so here are my thoughts on this article. I (obviously) can relate to this article because I may or may not be able to relate to it. One thing that stuck out to me was when the writer says "The instinct to want and to avoid loss are so strong and so deeply ingrained in out psyches that we see little purpose to life outside of them." It makes sense! It is in our human nature to want things (or people), to be wanted, and to hold on... whether we should or not.
Here is the big BUT, We need to hold ourselves to a higher standard. We just want so deeply to hold on to things because it is part of our humanity. That coupled with our innate need to be wanted is where we seem to get ourselves into trouble. Because of this we create and try to see things that aren't there and ignore all the signs that we should see. But we deserve more than that!
The article does a beautiful job of illustrating examples of these signs so not to disappoint, but I'm not gonna try and muck it up with personal examples to make my point.
Where I become conflicted however, is the part where its in my nature to give. We are called to be selfless, to love and give unconditionally to everyone. But I have realized as of late that there is a fine line between that, and full on just being taken advantage of. I have been there before, feeling fulfilled because I enjoy making people feel good and being supportive, but at the same time empty. Here I am constantly offering love, advice, a lending ear, or what have you, but that shoulder is not there when God forbid I come to need it. I expected that shoulder because in my mind there was a relationship there. If I didn't ignore the signs I would have seen that this was not the case.
Relationships, at least personal ones in my opinion, should be a 2 way street. Both people working to lift the other one up. These relationships are centered around love. Again, not exclusively romantic relationships, but any relationship. I once heard a dear priest at my parish define love so simply but so accurately, he said "Love by definition is mutual self sacrifice." The key word here being mutual. Both people sacrifice for the sake of the other. This has become such a foreign concept in our society recently. Everything is self centered, revolving around the "what's in it for me" attitude. When in fact true love is nothing but sacrifice. I will save you the rant for fear of making this post too long. ;)
So yea, there is nothing wrong with being selfless and being there for someone unconditionally, but don't psych your self out and try to call it a relationship if the other person is not mutually giving of themselves. We have to learn when we are being taken advantage of, whether it is emotionally, financially, or however it is that you are offering yourself. Get a birds eye view of the situation, and open your eyes, to the signs you may have been ignoring. On the reverse we may be the ones that are taking advantage of others! Check yourself to see if maybe you are the taker and then change yourself. Don't be that guy.
Be supportive, be open, be generous, but don't be apologetic for going to get yourself what you deserve.
