Honnête. Honesty. Noun: The quality or fact of being honest; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. As defined by dictionary.com. Seems like a legit quality to expect from people right? So why do we as humans have such a hard time with it? Is it because we have been so engrained to not hurt other people's feelings that our social filters have been formed so tightly that now we just lie to save some face? I'm all about being considerate of others and saving face and avoiding confrontation because I am not the kind of person to stir the pot. So when I go on this rant (I consider this a rant as I have no real solution for this situation, it is simply a means of brain dumping) I am more or less also included in it. However, honesty in relationships is key. It is nothing if not one of the major cornerstones (in my opinion) of a lasting relationship. And I mean in any kind of relationship, not solely romantic, but also in friendships, familial relationships, etc. Do our filters need to really be on that so Tupperwear tight in these relationships where we should be open with one another?
Honesty can be spoken from a place of love and charity. Yea "the truth hurts", and maybe I "can't handle the truth" (Bonus points if you can name the movie) but honestly I would rather someone be honest with how they feel about me, or if there is some problem that could be remedied rather than spare my feelings. We are grown ups, we can take a hard pill if we need to. Holding in the truth can result in the people involved being on 2 different pages. I'm thinking one thing, and you may be thinking the complete opposite. The awful thing is when the other person knows you are feeling "it" but they are chicken to really tell you what is up. Please, don't spare my feelings and just let me know. It's way worse going along with someone who is essentially pretending. Or what may be even worse, just falling off the face of the earth and just think by not talking to you for some periods of time that you will just get the hint that its over, or by ignoring you and sweeping the whole relationship under the rug it will just magically go away and you won't have to actually be mature and talk about it ever. BUT what that does, for me at least, is just string me along and let me hold out hope that maybe you are just busy, or something came up or insert other excuse here.
Now I understand that may make me sound desperate and crazy attached or clingy, and maybe it sounds that way, but honestly that is not the case. It may take me a minute, but I am capable of letting go. I will even respect you even more in the end. But what it comes down to is that, and maybe its just me, but I am an unnaturally optimistic person. I can see the bright side in a storm if I really wanted to. As humans what do we have if not hope and faith that something good comes out of darkness. Its a character flaw, I know. So when this happens to me (Lord knows its been more than once) I hold out hope and allow the other person excuse after excuse and the benefit of the doubt. But what I don't know (actually realistically I should know but that optimism man, it will get you) is that the whole thing has been over for a while, but I was never actually notified. Why? Because I believe it comes down to people being afraid of honesty. So instead of just putting your grown up pants on and calling it quits, or bringing an issue to light like a human, it gets swept under the rug and I am left wasting my time holding out hope for something that died a long time ago.
So maybe in a way it is my fault for not being realistic about these things, but am I wrong for wanting someone to just give it to me straight? Yea it may be uncomfortable but I've learned thats what being an adult is all about. Why should relationships be any different? If we are honest with each other we all end up on the same page and we can get so much further along with everything. Best case scenario it may even be an issue that is fixable therefore allowing you to climb that mountain together and be even stronger at the end of it.
So going forward, honesty is definitely the best policy.
Yes, believe it or not, this post was inspired by true events.
No comments:
Post a Comment